


Losing Control

by DimiGex



Series: Genma/Sakura [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Baby daddy!Genma, Eventual Genma Fluff, Eventual smut (probably), F/M, Fluff, GenSaku, Humor, Probably some fist fights too, Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy, let's just see where it goes, past mistakes, what more do you want from me?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2018-09-21 02:24:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9527654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimiGex/pseuds/DimiGex
Summary: That was the beauty in the life of a shinobi; they weren't permanent. Most died young, and few got to live the normal life that so many people took for granted. Genma had never wanted that. He was simple, taking pleasure where and when he could find it, letting everything else roll off him. Worry, uncertainty, and fears about the future were for people who had a future. Genma was an assassin, a guard, and a shinobi; he wasn't normal.





	1. Surprise Consequences

**Author's Note:**

> This doesn't necessarily need to be read after reading my story Muddy Water, but it might help provide background if you want it.

"Do I look like I want to talk about it?" Genma growled, spinning the beer bottle in a lazy circle between his hands.

Raido laughed and clapped his best friend on the back. "You never want to talk about things. Doesn't mean that you shouldn't."

The drone of ambiguous conversation filled the bar, sweeping around the two men to provide a modicum of privacy. Raido had yet to touch the bottle of beer in front of him. He contented himself with watching his friend drain his second. There wasn't anything specific about Genma that Raido could put his finger on, but something _was_ different. The tokujo looked the same, except that his face was darker and hair lighter, both from hours in the sunlight. It was his eyes, Raido decided, something had changed in Genma's eyes.

"How was Suna?" That question seemed safe enough. Raido had plenty of other questions, but it was best not to overwhelm Genma. He'd been out of Konoha for a couple of months, so there had to be dozens of stories that he wanted to share. The last time Genma had gone to Suna for a week, he'd come back full of tales that the heat made it impossible for the women to dress decently. He claimed their skin tasted like sunshine. Raido was half afraid of the types of stories nearly three months had given the man.

Genma rolled his shoulders, a clear indicator of annoyance. "Hot."

Raido shook his head and finally lifted the drink to his lips. At this rate, he'd get through four or five before Genma said anything of interest. Instead of pushing, he drank his beer in silence while Genma knocked his bottle against the bar and raised his hand for another.

"It was hot, in the desert," Raido enunciated each word carefully. "Groundbreaking thoughts, Gen. I'm surprised they haven't tried to pull you into the Intelligence Division yet."

Genma grimaced. "Don't call me that," he groaned, then turned up his third drink in as many minutes.

Leaning one elbow against the bar, Raido turned to face Genma and really looked at him. All things considered, Raido was surprised that Genma hadn't drank himself under the table already. Today had been difficult to say the least. Genma had found out that his whole life had changed in the blink of an eye, then had to face the wrath of the Hokage. Kakashi had been furious when he'd found out about Genma, but Sakura had tempered his rage. Raido had bet Iwashi that Kakashi would punch the senbon chewing tokujo, but he'd lost that one. Now, he'd have to do all the late-night guard duty for the next month.

"I've always called you that," Raido complained. "What's gotten into you? I mean, I know today was tough, but come on, it's not like you to get this way over anything." He stopped just short of implying that Genma should have come to expect that this would happen sooner or later, considering how many women he'd slept with over the years.

It wasn't that Raido didn't care about Genma's problems, per se. It was just that Genma didn't usually care about them himself. For as long as they'd known each other, Raido had never seen his friend worry. He's always taken life as it came, reacting to whatever it threw at him without missing a step. Now, Genma looked like a man who couldn't remember how to stand up, much less walk. It was disconcerting. Genma rubbed a hand over his face and sighed, draining the remainder of his drink, then ordering a fourth.

"You should probably slow down," Raido said, moderating his voice from the earlier playfulness. "If your goal is to get so drunk that you can't remember today, why don't you let me buy you a bottle of something, and we'll go back to my place?" Genma didn't often drink to the point of losing control, but Raido suspected that he might do so tonight. The man would get even more belligerent once he was drunk, so it would be better to be at Raido's than in public when the alcohol loosened his tongue.

Genma shook his head, looking down at the bar top. Sensing that this was quite possibly a terrible idea that he was going to regret later, Raido called over the bar keep and ordered a bottle of sake. Two glasses later, and Genma was starting to look like himself again. Now that he wasn't absorbed in his problems, the man finally noticed the flirty smiles from the girl at the end of bar. She'd been making eyes at him since they sat down, less than an hour earlier.

To Raido's shock, Genma didn't saunter toward her, throw an arm around her shoulders, and lay on the charm. In fact, he didn't even return the smile. The normally flirty man glanced at her, inclined his head, then turned back to Raido. _That's certainly new_ , Raido thought, wondering if he dare suggest that Genma needed to get laid far more than he needed alcohol. Even so, the sake had finally gotten the man talking about his months in Suna.

"So what were the girls like there?" Raido elbowed him with a playful grin. He hadn't drank as much as Genma, but it was still more than he should have. Already, the pleasant warmth suffused his body.

"Like girls anywhere else, I imagine." Genma lifted his third glass, then put it back down carefully on the counter. The man blinked a couple of times, and shook his head. Raido sighed. Whatever was wrong with Genma, was obviously going to take a while to sort out. With enough drinks and time, though, they'd get to the bottom of it.

Raido felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to look up at a woman with a heart-shaped face and deep green eyes. She smiled prettily at him while her friend, the blonde that had been staring at Genma earlier, leaned close to whisper something in his ear.

When Raido had invited Genma out for a drink earlier, he'd specifically selected a bar that wasn't frequented by shinobi. He didn't think his friend was ready to face the fallout of what had happened. Yes, he'd talked to Kakashi, which was a big step, but that still left Tsunade-sama. She'd been vocal about what she was going to do to his sorry ass once it got back to the village. Raido doubted that Genma had even thought about her yet. Best not to mention it now, especially since the night was finally looking up.

The woman with Genma ran her hand up his forearm, caressing his bicep while laughing at something he'd said. She pressed entirely against his side, and Raido saw a flicker of something pass over Genma's face when the woman leaned in again. Her lips were impossibly close to Genma's ear, undoubtedly inviting him home with her already, when all hell broke loose.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Fury made Sakura's voice tremble as she looked between the girl and Genma. " _This_ was more important than coming to talk to me?"

Raido cringed as Genma turned in slow motion to look over his shoulder, seeing Sakura for the first time since getting back to the village. Emotions flashed across the man's face too quickly to read before his lips compressed into a thin line. The blonde rested her forearm on Genma's shoulder, long fingers brushing his collar bone. Genma seemed unaware of the action, staring at the girl before him; Sakura was not. Her hand balled into a fist so tight that it started to shake.

The woman with Genma obviously didn't recognize the pink-haired kunoichi standing beside them. Sakura wore simple black pants and a red shirt rather than normal shinobi attire, but only a fool could miss the danger radiating off her.

Raido realized that this was probably more than a little his fault. He'd brought Genma out to drink after all, thinking to take his mind off things. "It's my fault, I asked-"

"He's an adult-" Sakura interrupted.

Genma cut them both off. "You've known for _months_ , and you're pissed that I didn't come to talk to you after knowing for a couple of _hours_?" Fury edged Genma's voice, but there was an undercurrent of something that sounded a lot like hurt to Raido.

The flush on Sakura's cheeks could be either anger or embarrassment, but there was no way to tell which. "You're already drunk?" She asked incredulously, ignoring the woman at Genma's side to focus on his face. "This is exactly why I didn't tell you. What difference would it have made? You run from everything that gets too tough."

"I deserved to know," he spat back, closing his hand around his glass of sake. The pale liquid sloshed over the rim from the force of his grip.

"Well now you do." Sakura's voice was ice, contrasting sharply with the fire in Genma's. The buzz of conversation in the bar had grown quieter as the pair's words grew louder. While this might not be a shinobi bar, Sakura was a familiar face in the village, and both Genma and Raido were in uniform. The argument was rapidly spiraling out of control.

Genma growled. "I found out from Kakashi. You fuc-" the man trembled, stopping mid-word to bring himself back under control. "You told him before you told me. Don't imply that _I'm_ a coward when _you_ took the easy way out too."

"You weren't here," Sakura started, but Genma slammed his hand on the bar hard enough to cut off her words.

"That's an excuse, and a pathetic one at that." The man drew a deep breath, trying and failing to control his anger, shuddering under the strain. Raido realized that Genma had definitely had too much to drink if he was losing control like this.

Sakura crossed her arms over her chest. "You know what? All of this was a mistake; enjoy your night, Gen."

Genma didn't turn to watch her leave, didn't see the tears forming in her eyes. Raido did, and it didn't take long to fit the pieces together. _So, that's the way the wind is blowing then, is it?_ She'd called him Gen at the end. Things were beginning to make sense, though Raido wasn't sure if he believed them or not. Either way, it wasn't worth the risk. "You're going to regret it if you don't go-"

A single glance from the assassin's eyes stilled Raido's tongue. The girl beside him, however, wasn't quite as adept at reading Genma. She leaned closer and rolled her eyes. "No wonder you're out drinking if that's what you have to deal with at home."

Genma pushed the arm off his shoulder without looking at the woman, then finished his alcohol in in one gulp. He shook his head, undoubtedly trying to clear the instant haze from his mind, then cursed under his breath and pushed himself to his feet. "Fucking heroes," Genma grumbled and started toward the door.

* * *

When he stepped into the street, Genma was furious and more than a little tipsy. He knew where Sakura's apartment was, of course, and assumed that she would go after fleeing the bar. He needed to talk to her, face her accusations, and get some answers. They were both adults. They could work this out, then figure out the next course of action. _We could have done that months ago, if she hadn't been so selfish,_ the alcohol suggested. The argument was logical enough that Genma turned in the opposite direction, toward his apartment, and started walking.

In the whirlwind of facing Kakashi, then Raido wanting to drink it better, Genma hadn't been home. As he pushed open the door, the overwhelming scent of dust accosted him. Hardly surprising after having been away for so long. The alcohol still buzzed in the back of Genma's mind as he crossed the room and fell into a chair. His pack was somewhere, probably still in the Hokage's office. Maybe Raido would bring it to him tomorrow. It wasn't like it really mattered anyway. There was nothing in there except a change of clothes, a few weapons, and some bandages.

Closing his eyes, Genma leaned against the cushion behind him and exhaled. The room was spinning, but he wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or the news. _Sakura is pregnant with your child_. Kakashi said the words calmly, as if unaware that they'd sucked all of the air out of the room. The thought was so foreign that Genma didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He settled on breathing and not thinking about anything, though the latter wasn't quite as successful as the former.

Sakura had looked nearly identical to the last time Genma had seen her, standing in front of the hospital. She'd kissed him, wished him good luck on his mission report, then she was gone. They'd had three days together after a disastrous mission. In typical Genma fashion, he hadn't even told her goodbye when he left for Suna. He'd left that responsibility to Kakashi, or maybe Raido. Somehow, saying goodbye made everything that had happened between them that much more real. So, he'd run, like he always did. Sakura was right about that, at least; running was easier.

Genma hadn't lied to Kakashi after their mission, either. It had been true that he needed space to clear his head. There wasn't a question that what he and Sakura had shared wasn't love; it had never been about love. Those days had been desperation, loneliness, and physical desire. It was as simple as that. A smile curled on Genma's lips as he pressed a hand to his chest where his fractured ribs had only just stopped aching. There had been dozens of times over the past couple of months that the sharp pain had reminded him Sakura.

Sakura was hardly the first woman to discover that Genma enjoyed things a bit rougher than average, even among shinobi. But there was something about the way she'd discovered it, surprised, yet unafraid to use it to her advantage. He thought about the last time they'd been together, the night before they'd made it back to the village. She had reached toward the area she'd abused so often and seen him wince before she touched it. Her hand had stopped short, then she'd pressed soft kisses to his ribs instead.

That night, Sakura had been tender and gentle, still impatient to have him, but aware of Genma in a completely different way than either of the times before. When they'd nestled beneath his cloak after, Sakura had offered to heal him, still lightly caressing his injuries. Genma had pulled her close and kissed her into silence. She wouldn't understand his refusal any more than he did. All he'd known was that he wanted a reminder of their time together.

Genma stood and stumbled toward the bathroom to splash water on his face. The rage of alcohol was beginning to fade, as was the dizziness, but his chest ached and his head pounded. Raido officially had the worst ideas ever, drinking had only made this worse. Genma recalled Sakura's face when she'd seen him, surprised and hurt, with a good measure of anger thrown in. She'd fully expected him to come to her after he found out, after she hadn't even in had the courage to tell him herself. He didn't understand how she could be pregnant. Medical ninja were supposed to have ways around that.

After splashing more cold water in his face, Genma looked around the small bathroom. Sterile, clean, and untouched, like the rest of his apartment. Anyone could have lived here. If Genma died on the mission, they would hardly have to remove anything for the next tenant. That was the beauty in the life of a shinobi; they weren't permanent. Most died young, and few got to live the normal life that so many people took for granted. Genma had never wanted that. He was simple, taking pleasure where and when he could find it, letting everything else roll off him. Worry, uncertainty, and fears about the future were for people who had a future. Genma was an assassin, a guard, and a shinobi; he wasn't normal.

 _But I could be_ , he thought. Genma rubbed his eyes and tried to push the thought away. It refused to go. _Sakura is pregnant_. Whether he accepted it or not, Genma was going to be father. At least, he'd had a part in making the baby, but Sakura didn't have to include him in its life. His chest ached dully at the thought as he walked back into the living room. Sakura had come to him, wanting to talk, maybe apologize, and he'd treated her like it didn't matter. But it did, it mattered as much as anything ever had. The thought echoed so loudly in Genma's mind that he had to find a way to shut it off. He could only think of one.

On the walk to Sakura's apartment, Genma's courage started to waver. She was probably already asleep, considering the time. And if she wasn't, it was entirely possible that she wouldn't want to see him. He walked past her apartment building once, stopped, then walked back. There were a few people in the streets, but thankfully, none of them greeted him. Running over his words for the fifteenth time, Genma knocked.

It took a couple of minutes before he heard movement on the other side, then the door cracked open, and Sakura peered out, looking both surprised and suspicious. Her pink hair was tousled, green eyes rimmed with red. Though there were no tears now, Genma knew she'd been crying. The sight made Genma promptly forget what he'd planned to say. She wore a black t-shirt that looked two sizes too big, and soft grey pants that hung loosely off her body. _Pajamas_ , his mind supplied belatedly.

"Did I wake you?" Genma asked stupidly.

"What do you want?" Sakura leaned a hip against the doorframe, gazing up at him. Genma thought he had grown used to the emerald intensity of her eyes, but they were brighter from crying. In the dim streetlights, they were reminiscent of sunlight on the leaves that gave the village its name. He'd missed that color, that reminder of life, while living in the desert.

Genma meant to apologize, he really did, but his mouth had other plans. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Sakura sighed, running a hand through her hair to clear the tangles. Pale strands fell around her cheeks, and Genma almost reached out to brush them behind her ears. "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?" Sakura challenged.

"Because I had no reason to," Genma answered honestly. "I convinced myself that it would be easier for everyone if I went to Suna while things blew over in the village."

"Was it easier?" Sakura focused on Genma's eyes, and he felt like he was freefalling. He really should have waited until he had sobered up completely to come here and talk to Sakura. This was a terrible idea. A haze clouded the back of his mind, blocking out the part that told him he should be careful.

Frustration bled into Genma's voice, and he was powerless to stop it. "No, it wasn't, but it should have been. I missed you." Genma hadn't meant to say that either. He hadn't even realized that he'd thought it until the words left his mouth. He should not have let Raido get him this drunk.

"I bet you say that to all the girls," Sakura murmured, glancing up at Genma through dark lashes.

The whirl of emotions that swelled inside him was indecipherable, so he didn't try to understand it. Instead, he said the first thing that came to mind. "There hasn't been anyone else besides you."

Genma couldn't complete the thought so he shook his head and leaned closer, resting his forearm above Sakura's head on the frame. His other hand came to her face, thumb tracing the softness of her cheek. Sakura exhaled, looking up at him again. The soft buzzing of the streetlight above them and the noise from the street seemed louder than they should have.

 _This is stupid, we're in full view of anyone passing by,_ the logical part of Genma's mind whispered. Then, Sakura's hands came to his chest, and she fisted the fabric, pulling him into a breath-stealing kiss. Warmth flooded through his chest, weakening his knees even as he wrapped his arm around her lower back. Sakura deepened the kiss, encouraging Genma's response. When she released his vest and pulled back, Genma was dizzier than he'd been all night. Sakura smiled shyly. "Do you want to come in?"

Despite everything screaming for him to say yes, Genma knew it would complicate the already tangled mess between them. When he didn't answer, Sakura grabbed his hand and pulled him through the open door. When she reached for the zipper on his flak vest, the movement decided Genma. He had just enough sense of mind left to kick the door shut behind them before surrendering to Sakura's hands and lips.

* * *

Tenzo held a hand against his busted lip, staunching the blood flow. He glanced down at his palm in surprise, then spit the coppery tang from his tongue. The pale skin glinted damply in the moonlight, and he shook his head, making an effort to stand. Kakashi offered a hand to pull Tenzo back on his feet.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi said, almost too softly to hear. "I didn't mean to hit you that hard."

Tenzo laughed, spat out another stream of pink fluid, and touched his lip again. "No, you meant to hit Genma a hell of a lot harder. But, I was closer, and stupid enough to spar with you tonight." He didn't need to see Kakashi's mouth to know that the man's lips pulled down into a frown. "Why did you recall him back to the village? You could have left him in Suna."

"Keep talking, and I won't apologize next time," Kakashi grumbled. He was joking, that was a good sign. At least, Tenzo thought he was joking.

Kakashi tipped Tenzo's head back to inspect the damage. Tenzo's lower lip swelled around the cut. He'd reacted too slowly to the onslaught of taijutsu attacks, and one had slipped past his defenses. It had been an innocent accident, something that had happened often during their time in Anbu together. Kakashi trained methodically, wringing the best out of his squads. That was one of the things Tenzo admired most about his senpai.

Tonight's spar had been different, however. It hadn't been about training for a mission or preparation for battle. As the Hokage, there was little chance that Kakashi would spend any time in the field or in hand-to-hand combat without his guards around to nullify any dangers. No, this bout had been purely to burn off aggression. Now that sweat and blood had been spilled, Kakashi would either want to talk about things, or blow it off completely.

"Genma had the right to know," Kakashi said finally. "She shouldn't have kept it from him in the first place."

This time, Tenzo held his tongue rather than saying the first thing that popped into his mind, which was undoubtedly a good idea. He suspected that Kakashi might harbor feelings for his former student, though he wasn't sure if it was friendship or more. Tenzo remembered the day that Kakashi had found out.

_It had been an early afternoon, and he'd forcing Kakashi to focus on recommendations for shinobi to appoint to Anbu. Tenzo had been badgering the Hokage about this for nearly a month, but the man kept making excuses for other things that he needed to take care of. This time, however, Tenzo refused to allow Kakashi to get away with it. A lot of shinobi had been lost in the war; it had changed the face of the ninja world. There were different needs now, and the black ops had to adapt, which would require a new type of ninja in Anbu. Reconnaissance had become as important as battle prowess, and while they had a few that fit the description, there were half a dozen people that showed the additional skills that Tenzo had been looking for._

" _I think this one has promise," Tenzo opened the top file, a young man with shaggy black hair and green eyes. "He did well at the academy, but with the war, he wasn't able to advance quickly. He has an excellent record on the type of missions that I'd need him for."_

_Three sharp raps on the door interrupted the rest of Tenzo's thoughts, and he glared at Raido when the man peeked inside. "Hokage-sama," the man bowed both to Kakashi and Tenzo. "Sakura wishes to speak with you, if you have a moment."_

_Tenzo almost said no, but Kakashi leaned back in his chair and shifted the papers in front of him to close the file of eligible shinobi. Tenzo knew it was a losing battle, so he held his tongue. It wasn't unusual for Sakura to stop by to talk to Kakashi. She would stay long enough to say whatever was on her mind, then return to the hospital. Since the war, Tenzo had noticed that Kakashi and Sakura's relationship had evolved from student-teacher to friends. By extension, she'd become friends with Tenzo as well._

_Assuming their conversation would only last a few minutes, Tenzo faded back toward the wall behind Kakashi's right shoulder. Sakura barely flicked her eyes to him before they settled on the man behind the desk. The Hokage gave her the familiar eye smile that he seemed to wear more frequently when she was around._

" _I want to be taken off the active mission roster indefinitely," Sakura blurted before Kakashi could greet her._

_Tenzo felt the desire to furrow his brow, but remained impassive, face carefully neutral. This had nothing to do with him; it was between Kakashi and Sakura. The Hokage leaned back in chair and steepled his fingers in front of him without speaking. Using silence to encourage someone else to speak was a tactic that Kakashi excelled at. Sakura looked at him, meeting his gaze stubbornly._

_Finally, Kakashi gave in. "You're one of the strongest medical nin that we have. That can be the difference between life and death in the field." Sakura nodded her understanding. She had parroted Tsunade's suggestion of always having a medical nin as part of a squad since the war, and had personally organized more training to help find those with the basic skills necessary._

_Sakura shifted from foot to foot, then crossed her arms over her chest. "I know. I'll continue working at the hospital, of course, and help training the new medical-nin." Kakashi inclined his head, encouraging her to continue. "But, I need to be removed from the mission roster."_

" _Need or want?" Kakashi inquired. "Those are two different things, and you can't use them interchangeably."_

_Sakura huffed a sigh and rolled her eyes. "Both."_

" _Are you going to tell me why?" Kakashi laced his fingers together and placed his hands on the desk while looking at her, but Tenzo couldn't see his face from where he stood. It sounded like Kakashi might be amused by Sakura's attitude, rather than annoyed. It wasn't like her to be secretive._

" _Does it matter why?" Sakura shook her head. "Can't you just trust me on this?"_

_To Tenzo's surprise, Kakashi stood and moved to the opposite side of his desk, leaning a hip against it to face her. "Yes," he responded. "I can."_

" _I'm requesting medical leave. I could have let Tsunade-sama send you a notice, but I wanted to tell you myself." Sakura ran her fingers through her hair._

" _Tsunade has approved it? That means she's already examined you and found cause for a medical leave." Kakashi didn't seem to realize that he was thinking out loud._

_Sakura's foot beat out a staccato against the floor, but she didn't have the glower she usually wore before she hit someone. Tenzo thought nervousness might have more to do with it than anger, fear as well, by the way she chewed on her lower lip. "Kakashi, I'm pregnant."_

_Tenzo's mouth fell open in slow motion as the rules of time altered around him. Sakura focused entirely on Kakashi, both either ignoring, or forgetting all about the Anbu, for which Tenzo was thankful. The silver-haired man hadn't moved since Sakura spoke. It might have been seconds or hours, Tenzo couldn't tell the difference anymore. Finally, Kakashi shifted, leaning more against the desk to half sit on the wooden surface, with one leg supporting some of his weight._

" _Does Sasuke know?" Kakashi questioned, as if he'd been expecting the news._

_Sakura's eyes grew round, and her face paled slightly. She clearly hadn't expected those to be the first words out of the Hokage's mouth. Kakashi waited in silence, letting the question sink in. It was a good question, a logical question._

_Sakura stumbled over the words. "I'm-I-no, he doesn't know."_

_Kakashi nodded, reaching across his desk for a pen like he needed to make a note. As if he wouldn't remember that Sakura was pregnant. "I can speak to Shikamaru and have Sasuke recalled to the village. I believe he's still in the Land of Iron, but I can send someone after him. If that's what you-"_

" _It's not his." Sakura's words were soft but deadly, like a paper bomb that exploded just far enough away that you couldn't quite hear it, but you could see the devastation. Tenzo's mouth dropped open further than he thought possible as the pen slid out of Kakashi's hand. The man reached for it, but his reflexes weren't fast enough. It clattered to the desk, spilling black ink across the papers. No one looked at the mess._

_Kakashi and Sakura stared at one another, neither moving nor speaking as the realization sank in. If Tenzo could have used shunshin to escape the office without drawing attention to himself, he would have. This was most definitely not something he wanted to be here for. He had suspected that there might be shared feelings between the pair, but the idea that they might be sleeping together had never crossed his mind. Much less that they would be sleeping together irresponsibly._

_Sakura looked down at her feet and drew a breath. It was the most vulnerable that Tenzo had ever seen her look. He was reminded of the fact that she was still half a child herself, young enough to make stupid mistake, but old enough to face them squarely. Her next words were a whisper almost too soft for Tenzo to hear. It didn't matter, they weren't meant for him anyway. "I'm sorry, sensei."_

" _Sakura, I'm not-you don't-" Kakashi cut off when Sakura crossed the distance between them and threw herself against his chest with a sob. The man didn't act surprised about that either, just closed his arms around her and murmured that things would be fine._

_Tenzo had given up caring if the pair remembered he was there, and used shunshin to flee into the hallway. Once there, he told Raido to turn away anyone else who needed the Hokage until Sakura left. The man nodded without asking any questions. Tenzo was thankful, as he had no idea how he would answer them. Instead, he let his feet carry him out of the building._

_Hours later, Tenzo found Kakashi by the trail of destruction. Dozens of trees had holes blown through them from the chidori that he wasn't supposed to use without the Sharingan's aid. An equal number were charred from the effects of the purple lightning he'd developed to use in the chidori's place._

_The Hokage cloak lay on the dew dampened ground next to the sweat soaked figure of the man himself, crouching and breathing hard. His right hand was covered in blood, but Tenzo didn't ask what happened. He stood just in the man's line of vision and waited. The panting stopped, and the sweat dried before Kakashi stood.  
_

_On their walk back to the village, Kakashi had finally revealed the name of the baby's father, hand clenched in anger, then told Tenzo he didn't want to talk about it._

They still didn't talk about it really, but Tenzo knew that Kakashi needed him. Whatever his feelings toward Sakura, he didn't seem willing to stand in her way of working things out with Genma. In fact, he'd controlled himself amazingly well when Genma appeared in his office earlier in the day. Tenzo didn't know if that was a good sign, or a bad one. Only time would tell.


	2. Reality

Silver moonlight spilled across the room as Genma blinked at the ceiling overhead. Normally, by this time of night, he'd already slipped out of the arms of whomever he was with and made a break for the window. Tonight, his body felt comfortably spent beneath the blankets. Sakura's warmth nestled against his side, pink hair tickling Genma's skin as both tried to catch their breath from the urgency of the past hour.

"I was supposed to be angry with you," Sakura murmured after several moments filled only by their ragged breathing.

Genma paused in the act of brushing his fingers over Sakura's shoulder. "I was supposed to be angry with you too," he confided. "I probably still am, but I missed you." _More than I should have_.

"Why would you miss me?" Sakura glanced up, resting her chin on Genma's chest. "We had a couple of days where we let emotion get the better of us. That all."

Genma trailed his fingers across the thigh still thrown over his. "And tonight?"

Sakura poked between Genma's ribs with medical precision. "Your lips always made a more convincing argument than your words," she teased.

"Come on, admit it. My tongue can be pretty convincing too," Genma countered. Sakura had made the first move, after all, dragging him into her apartment. Not that Genma was going to complain about that.

Rather than laugh, as Genma had expected, Sakura sighed. "I was serious about not wanting to play games, Gen. I'm pregnant. That isn't something you can kiss or joke away."

Between the exhaustion and the alcohol, Sakura's words hit Genma like a punch to the stomach. He hadn't meant to joke about their situation, only to point out that she clearly felt something for him, even if it was only lust.

Genma had known about the pregnancy for less than twenty-four hours; his emotions were too new, too raw to figure out. Anger simmered below the surface, but a second, confusing feeling twisted through his chest. He hadn't had the luxury of time to explore that one yet. "Is that really what you think of me?"

"I don't know what to think." Sakura trailed off, then sighed a second time. "We both knew that was about sex, not love."

Annoyance burst through Genma. "If you don't want me here, I can leave."

The words sounded harsher than intended, but Genma couldn't bring himself to soften them. Sakura hadn't reached out when she'd discovered that she was pregnant. Maybe she wanted to do this alone, or maybe there was someone else in her life. Genma shook the thought away. There was no way Sakura would have welcomed him into her bed if she was in a relationship.

"You should do whatever you want," Sakura responded, rolling away from Genma. Her voice dropped several degrees from the flirty teasing of earlier.

For a moment, Genma thought about leaving. He could throw off the blankets and gather his clothing from the floor. It wouldn't be unusual for him. He'd burned plenty of bridges that way in the past. _But, this is different. There's so much more to lose._ Swallowing his pride, Genma slid an arm around Sakura's body to bring her back against his chest. She didn't resist.

Genma's mind flashed back to the few days they'd spent together. Sakura had been intoxicating, wild and new in a way that stole his breath and logic. It had been so brief, that she remained all of those things and more. The perfect way that Sakura molded against him drove out all the reasons that Genma should cut his losses and escape while he could.

With everything that'd happened today, Genma didn't have the energy to fight. Nuzzling against Sakura's neck, he placed a light kiss on her shoulder. "I want this," he mumbled sleepily. Genma couldn't explain what he meant, and thankfully Sakura didn't ask him to.

**BREAK**

The following morning, Genma opened his eyes, then immediately shut them against the pounding of his head. He didn't often suffer from hangovers, but he rarely drank as much as the previous night, either. It took his alcohol numbed mind several moments to make sense of where he was since he was fairly certain that his blanket wasn't pink with twisting, white flowers. Unless Raido had played a particularly cruel joke on him while he'd been in Suna.

The memory of Sakura's lips against his slid to the forefront of his mind, realization crashing in. Scrambling out of the bed, Genma tugged on his boxers and pants, then padded toward the bathroom. Before reaching the door, he heard Sakura noisily bringing up her last meal. Cringing, Genma made his way to the kitchen instead. Making himself at home, he filled a glass with water and took a drink, swishing the liquid around to remove the stale taste of last night's sake.

By the time Sakura joined Genma in the kitchen, he'd finished his drink and was considering making a run for it. Things felt more awkward in the morning light; that was why he usually avoided situations like this. Without looking at him, Sakura filled a cup with water and took small sips. Her pale face stood out against the navy t-shirt she wore, as did the dark circles under her eyes. Knotted pink hair attempted to escape from its tie, curling around her neck and cheeks. She looked miserable enough that Genma took pity on her. "Do you want me to make some breakfast?"

Resting one hip against the counter, Sakura turned. "Breakfast and I don't really agree any longer," she said, opening a pack of crackers. "I'm actually surprised that you're still here."

"I aim to surprise," Genma answered, choosing not to be offended at Sakura's implication. When she didn't so much as crack a grin, his eyes drifted down to her stomach. "At some point, we have to talk about this."

Sakura waved a hand half-heartedly in Genma's direction. "It doesn't have to be right now. Besides, I have an appointment with Tsunade this morning, if you want to come."

Apprehension spun through Genma; he hadn't even thought about facing Tsunade. The woman was probably more protective of Sakura than Kakashi, and scarier in most ways. Genma had been one of the Godaime's guards while Sakura was her apprentice. Even though this situation had happened long after that, Genma was certain that Tsunade would have a few choice words for him. "Have you," he paused, trying to think of the best way to express his worries. "Does she know-"

"She knows it's yours if that's what you're getting at." Sakura dumped the rest of her water into the sink. "I need to shower and get ready. Do you want to meet at the hospital in about an hour?"

"Why don't you swing by my apartment, and we can walk over together. It's on the way," Genma suggested.

Sakura nodded. "That's just as easy."

Genma nodded and forced a smile before walking to the bedroom to gather the rest of his clothes.

* * *

Just over an hour later, the two shinobi walked toward the hospital together. Sakura looked different from both the girl that Genma remembered and the woman he'd spent three nights with after a mission that could have killed them. Black pants sheathed her legs, while a red shirt crisscrossed her stomach in some kind of decorative fashion. Though the colors were familiar, the outfit was civilian enough to look foreign on Sakura's battle hardened frame. Genma wore his uniform, clinging to it, and his senbon, like a safety blanket.

The pair didn't hold hands or do anything that marked them as a couple. They remained totally casual. Genma thought of all the times he'd wished women could enjoy his company without feeling the need to attach strings. Now that the tables were turned, he found that he didn't enjoy the sensation as much as he thought he would. _Because there are strings attached, like it or not,_ he thought, sighing inwardly and watching Sakura from the corner of his eye. The woman hadn't looked at him once since they started walking. He didn't try to catch her attention; he was too busy trying to figure out how to explain things to Tsunade.

By the time they reached the hospital, Genma had prepared a dozen excuses for the former Hokage. He doubted that she would buy the fact that he got caught up in the heat of the moment, or that he'd gone temporarily insane. The truth remained that Sakura was _much_ younger than Genma; he should have been the responsible party. Briefly, the memory of pink hair tangled around fingers and Sakura's lithe body pressing into his assaulted Genma. Coughing, he pushed the image away. Tsunade. That's what he needed to worry about. The woman wouldn't hurt him too badly. Even if she did, the medic in her would eventually heal him. At least, Genma hoped that was true

The hospital wasn't crowded, but several people greeted Sakura as she walked through the halls. Genma skulked along in her shadow, trying not to imagine that every gaze judged him, knowing why they were there. The first familiar face he saw immediately put Genma on edge. Shizune appraised him with cold, unreadable eyes before turning to Sakura, her perplexed frown shifting into a smile. "On time as usual. I've prepared a room for you."

Shizune inclined her head in Genma's direction before leading them into one of the examination rooms. He followed silently, then moved to a corner out of the women's way. Sakura settled on the bed while the medic moved around the space, dimming the lights, pulling machines closer, then adjusting the pillows. Genma had never felt more out of place than watching the pair who acted like this was perfectly normal. He'd certainly never had an appointment where they turned down the lights and helped him get comfortable.

"How is everything going," Shizune asked, moving her hands over Sakura's stomach. A soft green glow bloomed between them. "Do you have any complaints? Anything out of the ordinary?"

The healing light faded as Sakura shook her head. "I try to keep an eye on things myself," she responded sheepishly. "And not to worry every single second. It's still so early."

"It is," Shizune agreed, humming thoughtfully. "Everything looks good, but Tsunade wants to check for herself."

"Of course," Sakura laughed, green eyes slipping over to where Genma stood. He wondered if the apprehension showed on his face.

Shizune stood from beside the bed and squeezed Sakura's shoulder. "I'm going to go let Tsunade-sama know you're ready." The dark-haired woman turned away, eyes falling on Genma. Nodding briefly, Shizune crossed the room to pat his arm. "It's good to see you back."

Genma mumbled a thank you, daring to raise his eyes. Sakura wore an incredibly smug smile as she looked at him, but he didn't ask what she was thinking. Truth be told, he didn't want to know. Falling back into her bed was one thing, sitting in a hospital room together was quite another. He shifted from foot to foot, wondering if he should try to escape before Tsunade arrived. Moments after the thought crossed his mind, the door swung inward to admit the woman in question.

Sakura inclined her head respectfully as the former Hokage entered; Genma suppressed the urge to run. Coming to this appointment had been a terrible idea. Tsunade was going to kill him, and that was _if_ Genma were lucky. Judging by the fact that Sakura was pregnant, luck clearly didn't run in his favor lately.

Tsunade looked at Sakura for a moment, then turned toward Genma. He braced himself for the explosion. "I didn't expect to see you here," she said, voice alarmingly calm. When Genma didn't speak except to mumble that he hadn't either, she turned back to Sakura. "Let's get started then."

Much like Shizune, Tsunade did a quick chakra scan of Sakura's stomach. Nodding to herself, she started on questions that Genma wished he hadn't been present for. He did not need to know how frequently Sakura went to the bathroom, nor did he need to know about tender breasts or bleeding. He almost suggested that he meet up with Sakura later when Tsunade made a couple notes in the file that she'd brought, then flipped it closed.

"Not much should change before your next appointment, but you should begin feeling somewhat better soon." Tsunade tapped her fingers along her thigh, then sighed. "We haven't discussed this yet, but considering the circumstances, maybe we should. Sex should be perfectly safe."

Genma choked on a lungful of air, but neither woman looked in his direction. Tsunade continued as if she hadn't heard the sound. "If you notice any bleeding or pain after, let me know immediately."

Sakura nodded without so much as glancing at Genma. Tsunade didn't either. Closing the book on that subject, the medic moved her chair closer. "Go ahead and lie back, Sakura."

Tsunade dimmed the lights further, then moved back to Sakura's side and pulled one of the machines nearer. As the blond got things ready, Sakura lifted her shirt, then worked her pants dangerously low on her hips. Genma carefully averted his gaze, though neither woman noticed him at all. This would definitely be the last doctor appointment he attended; he didn't need to be here for this. A noise that sounded a lot like lubricant being squeezed out pulled Genma's attention back to the bed as Tsunade spread a trail of gel across Sakura's abdomen, near the top of her pants.

"I know it's cold," Tsunade commented. "Just relax, and we'll see if we can hear anything."

Sakura exhaled as the machine let out a quiet growl, then a popping sound. Tsunade continued talking under her breath, moving a tool of some sort over the gel on her patient's stomach. She shifted her touch again, then raised her free hand to adjust one of the knobs on the machine. A faint, swishing noise filled the space then stabilized, shifting to a gentle drumming.

Gasping softly, Sakura covered her mouth with one hand, but not before she made a squeak that Genma couldn't even begin to put words to. It teetered somewhere between a laugh and a cry, though it fell toward the happier side of emotion. Tsunade smiled and patted Sakura's hip. The sound continued for several moments before Genma grew brave enough to ask what it was.

" _That_ ," Tsunade said, turning away from the machine, "is your baby's heartbeat."

The air disappeared from the room as the sound took on new meaning. Genma opened his mouth and lost his words as he listened to the steady heartbeat. "I-are you sure," he asked stupidly.

"Do you want to see the baby?" Tsunade's question made Genma's heart thunder inside his chest. She beckoned him closer, and the tokujo moved without conscious thought. Some vague part of his mind recognized that Sakura looked at him with a depth of emotion that he couldn't begin to fathom, but it was too much to take in. His feet stepped forward of their own accord, a moth drawn to a flame.

Tsunade moved her hand, making the image shift to black, then greys and white leapt into view. In the center of the screen, a circle of black with the rough outline of a baby inside stood out clearly. Genma listened to the constant sound of the heartbeat and stared at the image, only partially aware that the room was spinning. The realization that he was going to be a father crashed in suddenly, and his knees felt weak. He didn't realize that he'd sat on the edge of the bed until Tsunade patted his knee. "You haven't missed much," she said with surprising gentleness.

Genma nodded and mumbled some kind of response, but the words didn't make sense to him. The world consisted entirely of the sound of the heartbeat and the warmth of Sakura's hand as she slid it into his, squeezing reassuringly.

* * *

"You cannot be serious," Tsunade complained, her clipped tone making Sakura wince. Shizune nodded in time with the words, as if she'd been thinking the same thing.

For a minute, Sakura thought about telling the women that she had no idea what they were talking about, but everyone knew better. Tsunade had asked Sakura to lunch shortly after her appointment, and she held no illusions about the coming lecture.

"It's half his," Sakura reasoned, dropping her voice softer than necessary. Whenever they went out, Tsunade chose places that weren't frequented by anyone who knew Sakura personally. Even so, the rumors were already swirling. "Genma had the right to know."

Tsunade frowned around the glass she'd raised to her lips. "We both know that isn't what I meant. Letting him be a part the baby's life is one thing, having him in yours is something else entirely." The woman came as close to huffing as Sakura had ever seen. "That man is nothing but trouble. He doesn't have any idea how to be a boyfriend, much less a father or husband."

Sakura sputtered on her drink, nearly spitting it on the table. "He may be pretty to look at, but that isn't what you need right now," Shizune added.

"You're both getting ahead of yourselves," Sakura protested, shaking her head. "He came to the appointment because of the baby, nothing else."

"Are you forgetting who you're talking to? Don't think I didn't see you holding his hand, or notice that mark on your neck," Tsunade scoffed. Sakura's hand flew to the small bruise she thought she'd kept covered. "If it isn't him, it's someone else."

Lowering her fingers back to the table, Sakura met Tsunade's eyes. "It's nothing."

Tsunade shook her head, looking nearly as disbelieving as she had the night she found out. Nearly a month had passed since then, but Sakura remembered the night well:

_Sakura glared at the calendar in front of her, ticking off the days on her fingers, then frowning. She didn't need to count the time, but it reinforced what she already knew. Kami, this was a disaster. A familiar shadow darkened the doorway to her office, and Sakura pulled a stack of paperwork across the calendar, then chuckled and let out the breath she'd been holding, forcing herself to relax._

_Tsunade looked tired, face pale and arms crossed under her breasts. "Shizune said you needed to see me."_

_"I did," Sakura responded, standing from behind her desk. "I do, but it might be better if we do this in one of the exam rooms."_

_Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "Why?" Her eyes narrowed, but she didn't question further when her former student crossed the office and stepped into the hallway. Thankfully, the nearest exam room was vacant._

_"Sakura, what's this about?" Tsunade eyes widened in surprise when Sakura took a seat on the bed rather than one of the available chairs._

_Exhaling, Sakura folded her hands over her lap to keep them still. This was one of the most difficult things that she'd ever done. "I need you to complete an examination and prepare the release from mission duty paperwork for Kaka-uh-Hokage-sama."_

_Tsunade's brow furrowed. "You can complete your own-wait, release from duty paperwork?" Realization dawned in the woman's eyes, followed swiftly by a flash of anger_

_Not trusting her voice, Sakura nodded. The movement seemed to anger Tsunade further. "You're old enough to know how this works." The blonde's foot tapped a steady rhythm against the white floor tiles. "What were you thinking?"_

_"I was thinking that I was poisoned at the time, and didn't recheck the jutsu because-"_

_"You were otherwise preoccupied?" Tsunade's voice snapped like a whip, cutting off the rest of Sakura's words. "Wait, what do you mean you were poisoned? The only time you've even been out of the village on a mission in the-Kami-sama, Sakura, you can't mean that you slept with Genma. Please tell me you have more sense than that."_

_Tsunade sank into one of the chairs, and Sakura flushed. "Can we just get on with this?"_

_The head medic looked even paler as the full weight of realization hit her. Tsunade frowned, then pushed herself back to her feet. "I'm going to kill him," the woman mumbled as she directed Sakura to lie back. "Then, I'm quite possibly going to kill you, too."_

_Sakura noticed that Tsunade's hands shook as the glow of healing surrounded them. She assumed it was fury, but there was nothing she could do about that. Sleeping with Genma had undoubtedly been a foolish decision, but she hadn't thought of the consequences at the time. Nearly every kunoichi knew of the contraceptive seal and the fact that it could be affected by poisons. Sakura should have rechecked it when they slept together, if not the first time, definitely by the third. But, desire never would see reason._

_It didn't take long for the green light to flicker out, and the room to darken. Tsunade wiped her hands on her coat, even though they weren't dirty. "Do you need confirmation?"_

_Sakura shook her head. "I need the release from duty paperwork."_

_"I'll have it sent to Kakashi," Tsunade answered, looking at Sakura as if she wasn't sure who the girl was anymore._

_"I want to take it myself," Sakura admitted, standing up._

_Tsunade frown deepened. "You'd rather break his heart in person?"_

_The air left Sakura's lungs in a wheeze as she brought her green eyes to her shishou's brown ones. She should have anticipated the remark, should have known that it was coming, but the words felt like a slap._

_Tsunade chuckled humorlessly and shook her head again. "You're released from hospital duty until further notice."_

_Sakura started to argue, but Tsunade stepped into the hallway and shut the door between them._

Over the past month, Sakura had managed to smooth things over with Tsunade as friends, though she didn't return to work at the hospital. Facing her former mentor had been one of the most difficult things Sakura had ever done, second only to telling Kakashi. Sakura's parents had been supportive of course, fawning even, but they didn't have all the information. Kakashi and Tsunade did. Both knew Genma's personality and his past. They were probably right. It would be less heartache for everyone if she kept him as a friend and nothing more.


	3. Better Left Unsaid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words: 3900  
> Rating: M  
> Paring: It's complicated  
> Summary/Warnings: Language, poor anger control, ninja suck at personal relationships, some angsty feels

* * *

 

Late afternoon sunlight painted the walls outside the Hokage's office in crimson and gold. Genma tried not think about how much it resembled blood. Raido stood guard by the door, watching his best friend inch closer, with a look of smug amusement on his face. The tokujo had waited as long as he could, late enough for most of the day's business to be completed, so that he could catch the Hokage alone. Now, that seemed like a terrible idea.

Raido chuckled under his breath when Genma raised a hand to knock on the door. "Why don't you leave it for a few days, give things time to settle down," he suggested.

"This isn't something that can be swept under the rug," Genma answered, taking another deep breath to steel himself. "Do you want to let him know that I'm here, or should I just go in?"

"I don't intend to lose my job today. I'll let him know, and you can wait there," Raido indicated a bench on the opposite wall. Genma had turned people toward that same spot dozens of time during his tenure as guard. Being on the civilian side of things felt strange, but he didn't argue. Genma crossed the room and took a seat.

As Raido disappeared into Kakashi's office, quiet enveloped the Hokage tower. No matter how much he strained, Genma couldn't hear anything on the other side. He could have extended a bit of chakra toward the door, but he'd already landed himself in enough hot water as it was. There was no need to make things worse.

Raido had been gone for so long, that Genma began to wonder if he'd gotten the man killed. Finally, the door opened. Foreign emotion filled Raido's eyes when they met Genma's, pity, perhaps. Then, he shook his head. "Hokage-sama will see you when he has a free moment. You're welcome to make an appointment, or wait. Whichever you prefer."

Genma chuckled humorlessly. "I'll wait."

Light slowly faded from the room, gold melting into copper, then bruise purple, as the sun sank below the horizon. Raido stared through the windows and sighed, but he didn't move from his post. Genma knew that Kakashi frequently worked late, but he'd never seen the man do it out of spite. The guard glanced at the office door, then Genma. "I told you that you should have left it alone," he grumbled.

Standing, Genma crossed the space between himself and Raido and pulled the door open before his friend could protest. He peered into the semi-darkness for several moments before the thought registered: the room was empty. Huffing under his breath, Genma raked through his hair. Of course, Kakashi wouldn't make this simple. Why should he?

Raido repeated his sentiment about leaving things alone, and Genma shook his head. "You should know by now that I never take the easy route. Where's the fun in that?"

"Sometimes you should," Raido said. Genma offered a cheeky grin that hid the annoyance and trepidation that he felt, then turned to walk down the hallway. Raido called after him, "seriously Gen, leave it alone for a while."

Genma had never been particularly good about taking the logical path, often ending up in situations that he shouldn't have, as proved by recent events. Leaving Kakashi alone to stew in his anger would undoubtedly be the best thing for everyone involved, but Genma's feet carried him toward the man's apartment anyway. Better to get this out of the way now.

Genma and Kakashi had been friends for a long time, since Minato had taken them both under his wing years ago. Their last meeting had been brief and sharp, all razor-edged tension with fury flavoring the words. In fact, only the restraining presence of Yamato and Raido had kept the conversation from turning to physical blows. Genma had seen the way that Kakashi's jaw clenched beneath his mask as fire roared in his eyes. This wasn't something he could leave to fester.

Gathering his courage, Genma rapped his knuckles against the smooth wood that separated his peaceful evening from the possibility of bodily harm. For a moment, there was no noise from the other side, as if all the sound had been sucked out of the world. The nervous pounding of his heart filled the silence, then he heard stealthy footsteps.

Kakashi opened the door marginally, and his charcoal grey eyes narrowed when they found Genma waiting on his doorstep. The man wore standard issue jonin blues rather than full armor, and his weapon pouches were noticeably absent. That eased Genma's mind, until he remembered that Kakashi didn't need traditional weapons to kill him. Sighing, Genma resigned himself to his fate. "Can we talk?"

The tension dragged out until Genma found himself shifting from foot to foot, certain that Kakashi would refuse. Then, the silver haired man pushed the door wider and moved aside so that Genma could enter. The tokujo had been in Kakashi's apartment only a few times, but now, he felt acutely out of place. This wasn't a friendly visit to joke around after a bad mission or close call; this was something else entirely.

A bottle of alcohol sat open on the table, and Genma's eyebrows rose of their own volition. Kakashi rarely drank. Ignoring the questioning look, the jonin crossed to the small kitchen and poured himself a glass. After downing that, he filled it a second time.

"Talk," Kakashi demanded. His voice held none of its normal, teasing tone. In fact, Genma couldn't discern a flicker of any emotion.

Exhaling, Genma scrubbed through his hair, a nervous habit that he'd picked up from one of the sand shinobi he spent time with in Suna. "Look, I know that you're pissed off at me."

Kakashi gripped his glass so tightly that the liquid inside sloshed over the edge. Still, he didn't speak. The dragging silence was worse than the explosive anger from the other day, looming between them like a shadow. Genma forced himself to continue. "And, you probably have every right to be."

"Probably?" Kakashi interrupted, voice icy. The jonin turned toward Genma, face unreadable beneath his mask. Even so, his eyes spoke volumes. Not for the first time, Genma considered whether it would have been wiser to have taken Raido's warning and let things rest for a few days.

Letting his frustration peek through, Genma continued. "It's not like I planned for this to happen, you know. You were the one who sent me in the-"

"She is  _half_  your age." Kakashi accented the word as if the thought had never crossed Genma's mind. The Hokage shut his eyes against the annoyance threatening to undo his calm facade, then drained his glass and rounded on Genma. "Damn it, Sakura is half your age. What were you thinking?"

"I don't know," Genma answered. In truth, the woman in question had made it damn near impossible to say no. Unbidden, the memory rose in his mind. Sakura had been desperate to prove herself, to feel alive after nearly dying on a mission that she never should have taken. Genma had provided a moment of clarity in that chaos. The first time, anyway. He hadn't planned for it to go any further.

Pulling his thoughts back to the present, Genma sighed. "What do you want me to say?"

"You could start with an apology," Kakashi ground out, setting down his glass down and filling it a third time. "Sakura deserves that much."

The statement left Genma speechless as his mind flashed back to the previous night, and the warmth of Sakura against his chest. She might have told Kakashi that they'd slept together, but she'd left out the detail that it had been more of an extended fling than a one night mistake. Genma fought to keep his thoughts from showing on his face. "I fail to see how that concerns you," he argued after a moment.

"Sakura is my friend." Kakashi lifted his glass and drained the contents, swallowing any other thoughts he had on the matter. "What do you plan to do about it?"

"It?" Genma asked, struggling with the question. He had the expected righteous anger, and the look of betrayal that filled the Kakashi's eyes, those were a given. But, he hadn't planned to discuss the future. No matter how much the Hokage cared about his former student, this situation was none of his concern. "Do you mean the baby, or my relationship with Sakura?"

A guttural growl slid from beneath Kakashi's mask, and Genma realized how thin the ice underfoot was. Even so, he couldn't manage to stop himself. "Either way, those decisions are between Sakura and I."

"Like hell they are," Kakashi snarled. "Sakura is eighteen; she has her whole life ahead of her, and you're going to let her throw it away for  _you_?"

Shock stole Genma's retort as he looked at the man across from him. Kakashi rarely lost control of his temper. In fact, Genma could count the number of times that he had seen it on one hand and still have fingers left over. The most recent time had been over Sakura.  _Over Sakura,_ the words finally sank in, leaving Genma to reevaluate everything he thought he knew about his old friend. He'd teased Kakashi multiple times about being attracted to his former student, even assumed the man had a vague interest in more than friendship. But, the balled fists and tensed shoulders hinted that whatever Kakashi felt, it was more than a passing infatuation.  _Well, fuck_ , Genma thought, not sure how to begin untangling the knots.

"Did you even think about the consequences of your actions? Of course you didn't; you never think about anything except for yourself." The words and anger poured out of Kakashi like water from a broken dam. Genma opened his mouth to argue that anger wouldn't change anything, but the other man cut him off with a single word. "Selfish." It carried the venom of a mortal threat, delivered in cold fury.

Genma's frustration boiled over. "You know, it wasn't all me. It's not like I forced her to do anything she didn't wan-"

In hindsight, Genma should have seen the fist in time to react, but he didn't move. Pain blazed from his lip as it split against his teeth. Blood filled his mouth, dribbled down his chin, and dripped onto the floor as Kakashi shook out his arm. The tokujo pushed the heel of one hand against the wound to staunch the flow. "Feel better?"

Kakashi twitched, almost launching forward a second time before regaining control. His chest heaved with effort as he cursed Genma under his breath. After several tense moments, he exhaled. "I shouldn't have hit you."

"Did it help?" Genma pushed his tongue against the rapidly swelling cut, surprised to find his anger fading. He had suspected Kakashi's feelings, but now he couldn't help but wonder if Sakura shared them. Swallowing the questions along with his blood, Genma held his silence.

"She's my friend, Genma," Kakashi pushed the words out. "If you hurt her-"

The words hung in the air, Kakashi unable to finish them, and Genma knowing exactly what the man meant. The tokujo nodded. He had no intentions of hurting Sakura, but life rarely turned out the way he expected. Kakashi moved away until his back bumped into the counter behind him, and he reached to refill his glass.

"For what it's worth, I didn't mean for any of this to happen," Genma offered, dropping his hand from his mouth.

"You never do," Kakashi murmured, then shook his head. "I think you should go, before I do something that we'll both regret."

_Or, before I say something that gets me killed._ Gema recognized the thinly controlled anger radiating from Kakashi and nodded. He pretended not to hear the glass shatter against the door as soon as it closed behind him.

* * *

"What happened to your face?" Sakura's mouth quirked into a smile as she tipped her head to get a better look at Genma's lip. He stood outside her apartment, feeling half a fool for coming, but unable to keep himself away.

"Today has been a day of questionable decisions," Genma answered with a grin. The familiar movement tugged at the damaged skin, reopening the cut.

As crimson beaded the swollen skin, Sakura pushed the door open to allow Genma inside. He had tried to stay away, tried to go home and leave well enough alone, but Kakashi's accusations kept replaying in his mind. That, and the memory of the pain in his friend's eyes. Genma tried to remember if he'd even considered Kakashi's feelings before sleeping with Sakura. He'd known, deep down, that something existed between them, even if it was wholly one sided. Genma thought it was one sided, anyway.

Rather than showing up empty handed, Genma had stopped to pick up dinner first. Takeout gave him a feasible reason to stop by and see Sakura other than missing her. He was looking after her, making sure that she got enough to eat; that was important now. The woman eyed the bag in his hand, then motioned for him to set it on the table and take a seat. Once he obeyed, Sakura leaned closer to examine the cut on his lip.

"Did you get into a fight?" Sakura took Genma's chin in her hand and turned it from side to side. Her lips compressed into a thin line as the innocuous question hung between them. When he didn't answer, Sakura shook her head.

Warmth flooded through Genma's body, centering on the lump of pain radiating from his mouth. The stinging dissipated, then disappeared entirely. Genma caught one of Sakura's wrists as her hands fell away. "A kiss would have worked just as well."

"Do you really think that I'll be that easy?" Sakura laughed, rolling her eyes.

_Yes,_  Genma thought, recalling the desperate way that she'd clung to him the previous night. He hadn't necessarily been angling for sex, but he wouldn't refuse it if the offer were on the table, especially if it were  _on_  the table _._ Sakura watched him with those unreadable, emerald eyes, then shook her head. "So, what brought you here? Was it just because you needed healing for your questionable decisions?"

An unfamiliar flicker of hurt twisted in Genma's chest at the easy dismissal of his presence. Forcing himself not to jump to conclusions, he nodded toward the bag of food. "We both needed dinner, having it together seemed logical enough."

A green cast covered Sakura's face as she rested a hand on her stomach. "I've already eaten dinner. And even if I hadn't, greasy takeout isn't exactly appetizing at the moment."

_Of course_ , Genma realized. While he had thought about the fact that Sakura needed to eat, the idea of what she might want to eat hadn't really crossed his mind. They might have slept together half a dozen times, but he had no idea what types of food she prefered, or how she planned to eat during her pregnancy. Hell, they knew nothing about one another.

"I could get something else," Genma offered, determined to change that fact. "I'm sure we could find a healthier option, if you'd rather."

A grimace contorted Sakura's face so briefly that Genma wondered if he'd imagined it. Her lips twisted into a frown, and her eyebrows pulled together before her face smoothed to its normal countenance.  _Oh_ , the realization hit Genma harder than Kakashi's fist. Sakura didn't want him to stay; she was using the food as an excuse.

"It's been a long day," Sakura sighed, glancing up at Genma through her lashes. A hint of pink graced her cheeks. "Why don't we catch up tomorrow, or later this week?"

"No problem." Genma affected his usual smile, relieved that it didn't hurt any longer. "I should get some things sorted after my return from Suna anyway. I didn't have a lot of time last night."

The blush on Sakura's cheeks deepened as she looked away. For a moment, Genma thought she wouldn't say anything, then she shook her head. "Last night shouldn't have happened."

Though Genma had known the words were coming, they didn't hurt any less. Last night, Sakura had melted against him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. All of the anger and hurt that had built up between them after the explosive reveal of her pregnancy shattered, replaced by passion and desire. Their mingled emotions flooded between the cracks of a relationship too complex to define. Sakura had dragged Genma deeper, and he'd gone willingly.

The morning light had changed Sakura, or so it seemed. She'd become short tempered and uncertain about Genma's presence, grumpy even. Then, at the hospital, she'd had another change of heart and reached for his hand when they'd heard the heartbeat. Just for a moment, Genma had thought that her touch meant something, that Sakura wanted him there, wanted to do this together. Now, he had no idea. They had traveled all the way back to the beginning of this mess with nothing to show for the journey.

"I need some time to figure all of this out." When Sakura spoke, Genma realized that he hadn't vocalized any of the disconnected thoughts bouncing around in his mind. That was probably a good thing. Taking his silence as rebuke, Sakura sighed. "This is a lot to take in at once."

_It is for me too,_ Genma thought.  _More so even, since I've only known about it for a day, because you hid it from me._ Pushing his own conflicting emotions down, Genma changed the subject. "No problem. Will you let me know when the next appointment is?"

"Of course," Sakura agreed, rubbing a hand across her stomach absently. The motion looked natural, as if the two were drawn together without Sakura realizing it. "I know that it's all new, but if you want to be a part of the baby's life, we'll figure something out."

Genma clearly heard the words that Sakura left out.  _While you can be in the baby's life, being a part of mine is another story entirely._  Despite the natural way they fit together in the past, Sakura pushed a wall between them now. Genma wondered why, but then his mind flashed back to Kakashi's objections, and he thought he had his answer. He'd never been anything but a screw up, living life the way he wanted with no concern for tomorrow. Why should this be any different? The sentiment left a bitter taste in Genma's mouth.

"Sounds good," Genma responded, keeping his thoughts carefully in check, and turned toward the door.

"Wait," Sakura interrupted, and Genma felt hope swell in his chest. "What about the food?"

When Sakura reached for the bag on the counter, Genma shrugged. "Why don't you keep it? Maybe it will sound more appetizing in a couple of hours." He'd already lost his appetite.

* * *

Once she was alone, Sakura leaned her head against the closed door and shut her eyes. Tsunade and Shizune's words played over and over in her mind.  _Girl, you cannot be serious_.  _That man is nothing but trouble. He doesn't have any idea how to be a boyfriend, much less a husband and father. He'll only break your heart. Better to end things before they get started._

Sakura's friends were right, undoubtedly so. Genma had a certain reputation in Konoha for a reason. He had never shown any interest in settling down; the fling with Sakura revealed that much. Though the man was undoubtedly attractive and good in bed, Sakura needed more. But, she didn't know if she wanted that more from Genma. Wasn't it enough that he could distract her from the constant chaos she felt? She didn't have to marry him, or even date him; they could just sleep together sometimes. Besides, it wasn't like sex carried a danger any longer.

Sighing, Sakura glanced down at her stomach. It hadn't changed much in the past three months. If anything, the constant bouts of nausea made her even thinner. Outwardly, there was little difference between now and the night that she'd seduced Genma. Sakura had been hurting, and Genma had been convenient. She'd slept with him the second and third times because the sex really was that mind blowing. The rumors didn't even scratch the surface.

Then, Genma had shown up at her door last night with his easy smiles and smooth words, and the only thing that Sakura could think about had been the way his lips tasted on hers all those months ago. The pregnancy should have changed something between them, made her more cautious around him, but it had the opposite effect. It had been easier to fall into bed with him again than to think about all the reasons why they shouldn't. Even now, Sakura wanted to run after Genma and drag him into one of those world altering kisses that drove logic completely out of her mind.

"Which is exactly why you shouldn't," Sakura growled under her breath, pushing away from the door. There were plenty of reasons that she and Genma were a terrible idea, and the baby held the top spot. Constantly on the move for dangerous missions while risking their lives was the norm for shinobi. That world was no place for a child unless one of them planned to give up serving Konoha and stay home. Plenty of ninja did that, of course, but Sakura had never thought it would be her. She didn't know if she wanted it to be. She doubted that Genma had thought that far into the future. Sakura had, and she knew that she had options. Options, and responsibilities. Responsibilities to herself, her village, her friends, her family, and her Hokage.

The thought of Kakashi made Sakura's chest ache, sharp and sudden like she'd been stabbed. So few people knew what she was going through, but he'd been there for her when even Ino and Naruto couldn't. Tsunade had been too furious to see Sakura's needs at first, but Kakashi knew, even though she could tell that he was upset by her decisions. He looked at her differently now, sadness tinging his eyes in a way that it hadn't before. But, he never pushed her away because of it, and he'd never asked details. Kakashi probably believed that Genma had seduced her rather than the other way around. Sakura hadn't corrected his assumption.

Groaning with determination to ignore everything except the next thirty seconds at a time, Sakura picked up the bag of food and made her way to the couch. Takeout didn't sound nearly as bad as she thought.


End file.
